


These Bonds Never Break

by stringsoffatefics



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fate, Personal Growth, Red String of Fate, Romantic Soulmates, Slow Burn, Soulmates, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-29 02:01:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8471242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stringsoffatefics/pseuds/stringsoffatefics
Summary: The battle with the quincies was fought and won, and in the end Ichigo Kurosaki found himself unable to leave the Soul Society, having to leave his old life behind and start again in a world he'd only began to scrape the surface of. Coming to terms with a whole new life would be difficult for anyone and Ichigo is no different, but Ichigo Kurosaki has one thing that not everyone else has, he has Rukia Kuchiki.The ending Bleach deserved.





	1. Prologue

He wasn’t going home.

It had been an option presented what seemed like so long ago, that after all the fighting was done he’d have to give up on his life in the world of the living, that the Soul Society would become his new home- but how could it possibly? Home was where your heart was and his heart was with his family, with his sisters and even his idiot of a father. And what would they do without him? Ichigo wasn’t naive, he knew that when things got bad his dad was a man who could be relied on and that Karin would always take care of Yuzu, and Yuzu Karin too, but he remembered what it was like losing his mum. She had gone and left such a whole in their lives, a void that took so long to stop sucking them in, on the outside they’d all smiled and carried on because that’s who they were- strong, resilient, stubborn to some- but there was pain that none of them could deny. He didn’t like to think that now, back home, he would be the cause of that pain. Yuzu would smile and make meals as usual, being the motherly influence she should have never had to be, but when things went quiet and dark and she was alone, would she cry? Would she miss him? Karin too, no doubt she’d tell her twin to buck-up and keep moving forward, parting never meant forever for them and that would have to be enough, but even she couldn’t carry so much weight for so long. He thought of his brave, resilient little sisters and his heart ached, because despite risking his life so many times this was the first time he’d known he wouldn’t be going home to them.

They could visit.

Those were the words of comfort Shunsui Kyoraku had given him when it was finalised. They could come to see him and would be safe, they were apart but not completely, time and space wasn’t enough to break bonds so strongly tied- a lesson he’d learnt through losing more than one important person in his life. It was not the end, he had to believe that, this was just a new beginning for him and one that, with time, he’d learn to adjust to.

And he wasn’t alone.

He studied her when she visited. She came every day. She never said anything because more than anyone she had always understood when he couldn’t talk about things, just as she knew the time would eventually come when her presence in his room of recovery would be more than a shadow- a cold breeze, a brief unspoken moment of care- and she could support him in the only way she knew how.

As if on cue the door slid open and with it came a rustle of clothes, a whisper of a breeze that set the hairs on his arms on end. She shut the rest of the world out when the door slid closed after her, a welcome seclusion, and like every day before she wandered over to the only window in the room. She pushed it open, inhaled a deep breath of the air she let in. Ichigo waited for her to once again flop into the chair at the end of his bed and begin reading over whatever material she brought for the short time she’d stay there. Instead he felt the bed dip at his side where she sat down, the moment of silence that followed was intense and just when he was about to question her being there a swift thump to his stomach brought a grunt from him. He shot up, sitting with a wince and a growl of frustration.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Someone had to prove you were faking it.”

“I’m not _faking_ anything, I-“

“We’re going somewhere tomorrow, it’s not good for you being in this room day after day.”

“I’m in the middle of recovery.”

“Bullshit.” She scoffed at the mere idea and jabbed him swiftly in the stomach again. He had never been very good at lying to her, she saw through him time and time again, something that was as frustrating as it was welcome. “You think I’ve been visiting without asking anyone about your condition? Fool. You’re fine and have been for a few days, Squad Four don’t mess around when it comes to healing, you know?”

“Rukia-“

Finally, at the sound of her name, they both looked up. His eyes met hers and like so many times before he was caught in them. She held such resilience in her gaze, such sheer determination, and yet there was an undeniable soft quality. He looked in her eyes and he saw _hope_. Clear and bright. Steady. The sun breaking through the clouds. Rukia seemed to study him and Ichigo was afraid of what she might see. Ichigo had felt lost before but not like this, although he had grown he had also always had his family to fall back on, their care and support when he lost all else- like when he'd lost her. But this was his whole life. His future, his family and his friends. They felt so far away and all that kept him from feeling alone was the girl who had so often stood strong at his side. Ichigo wanted to bounce back like before, he wanted to say that her presence alone would save him from this, but he feared too much of him had been lost. He feared but she did not, there was no disappointment or worry in her gaze, when he lost all hope in himself hers seemed to remain and after what felt like a lifetime her expression softened and her lips curled into a smile.

“You _will_ recover, Ichigo. You're not alone in this.”

Her voice sure and encouraging.

Ichigo truly believed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Bleach ending was hardly what I wanted and so, through this fic, I intend to create my own.
> 
> Centred mainly around Ichigo's POV, this will tell the story of Ichigo Kurosaki being unable to return to the World of the Living and how he grows to accept his new life, of course, with the help of his soul mate Rukia Kuchiki. Starting before the ten year skip, this fic will slowly build upon the ideal ending I would've given anything to see, and the ending I essentially believe Bleach and most of the characters deserved.
> 
> There will be mention and hints of other developing ships throughout the fic! Ishihime in particular!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!


	2. Loss is not Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still conflicted about the new life he faces in the Soul Society, Ichigo's first day out of recovery brings up a lot of questions about his new life and how he'll face it. Still unsure it's Rukia who steps in to pick him back up and encourage him to see the positive of his new life, taking him to a place important to her and sharing with him words of wisdom that she too has to learn to follow.

Ichigo had learnt never to underestimate or ignore Rukia. If she said she’d be back to collect him the next day and would be taking him out of this recovery room- by force if need be- then he had no doubt she meant it. It came as a surprise to him that he was actually looking forward to it, unable to sleep he waited in bed for as long as possible but as the sun began to rise he found himself restless, he’d ventured from his bed for the first time in days and actually made an effort to be active. Washed and changed, Ichigo found that he was actually craving food, longed for it actually. Since he’d been told he had to stay, left to recover in his own time and process the changes in his life, he hadn’t felt the need to eat. He wouldn’t say it but perhaps he dreaded eating, he dreaded tasting food and being bitterly disappointed because it wasn’t his sister’s, it would just become a reminder that Yuzu’s food was one less thing he’d have in his life on a daily basis. He worried over that, over finding one thing after another that reminded him of his life away from here, a life he couldn’t return to. He worried but now he craved, he found himself sat up in bed for hours eagerly awaiting the moment when his morning meal would be brought to him.

When it was it came with a familiar face. It was quite amusing to hear the slight scuffle outside the door, only to realise when it slid open that Rukia had expertly used her right foot as an extra hand and pushed it open with the tip of her shoe. She stood balanced at an awkward angle for a moment, carrying two bowls of food in her hands, features creased in concentration before her gaze moved to him. Surprise came first, then a trace of relief, and finally that wonderfully familiar teasing expression came over her and she scoffed.

“Look who’s not being a mope this morning,” She made a little hop into the room, used her foot once more to shut the door, and then sighed when she was back on two feet and crossing the room. “Renji won’t be happy, we had a bet going that I’d have to throw breakfast over you rather than give it to you, he expected to see me dragging you out by yours ears in an hour or two.”

“Bastard,” His voice a hiss under his breath, Ichigo narrowed his gaze and eyed Rukia on her approach before adding accusingly, “And you?”

“Me?” She laughed, the sound a welcome breath of fresh air against the suffocating encasement of the circumstances Ichigo found himself in. Rukia came to perch on the end of his bed again, her legs crossing and hair falling forward about her face as she settled one bowl of steaming soup in her lap. The other, she handed to him as her gaze lifted to his, forget-me-not eyes offering silent reassurance. “I always had faith.”

They ate until both their bowls were empty. It wasn’t Yuzu’s food but it wasn’t bad and it was hard to really taste it when it was so hot it burned his mouth, it must have burnt Rukia’s too but she didn’t complain as she wolfed the bowl down, every now and again pausing to make some comment about something that seemed to hold no importance. It was good though, she filled the silence with things that weren’t heavy, they didn’t add to the weight on his shoulders and he was grateful for that. Grateful for her silent encouragement to eat and get ready, for how she left no time when they finished for him to change his mind, she was grabbing his bowl off him and with a good-hearted insult insisted he grab the door for her this time, which he did with a roll of his eyes.

Walking with Rukia out of the barracks was laced with melancholy. Conversations with her reminded him of times long past, years ago when he was just a boy and his biggest problem was dealing with his delinquent status on a daily basis. Rukia had come into his life and changed everything and at first it had all been for the better. Thinking about those early days with her in his life, his stowaway friend making a home in his cupboard, the Soul Reaper with hair that danced in the wind and eyes that challenged the injustice of the world. He thought of how even with her small stature she bullied him into taking her place, how she became his guide and dear friend by staying by his side to fight in his corner when she herself had nothing to fight with. It seemed so long ago, those brief weeks where Rukia infiltrated his world and made it ultimately brighter, drying up the rain clouds with unchallenged faith and determination. And he remembered losing her, not once but twice, how much of his world had crumbled apart when she had been ripped from it. Perhaps what made things bittersweet was that everything now worked in reverse, when the rest of his life was being torn away from him all that seemed steady and true was Rukia Kuchiki, the girl who’d changed his world. In all this time, out of everything that had changed, her significant place in his life was the one thing that had remained the same. She even irritated him the same, as they walked she teased him about being such a mope, nudged his hip with her elbow in a playful but scolding jab. Her hair bounced about her shoulders with every step and he almost missed those extra flicks that used to catch the wind on their way to school.

“Lieutenant Kuchiki?”

Their conversation- or Rukia’s blabbering, Ichigo could barely get more than a scoff in here and there without swiftly receiving a jab to his side- came to a stop. Nanao, who was now Lieutenant of the First Division as he recalled, stood before them with books and papers in hand and a somewhat weary look on her face. He could only imagine the pressure the First Division were under to keep everything under control at the moment, any division for that matter, which is when he found his gaze dropping to the Lieutenant badge secured on Rukia’s arm. Something in her had changed in the brief moment he’d spared a glance at Nanao rather than her. There was something different in her expression, that carefree optimism she’d been chatting away with dwindling into an expression that reminded him an awful lot of the other Kuchiki he knew. She looked intensely serious, her gaze firm and sure, her stance a little taller and everything a little more intense as she greeted the other Lieutenant.

“Can I borrow you for a moment?”

“Of course. Ichigo,” Rukia’s gaze met his briefly, apologetic as she took a step forward without him. “Give me a minute?”

“Sure.”

He didn’t have much choice, Ichigo stayed put while the two women wandered a little further along the path, talking quietly between the two of them. Perhaps he should’ve taken the opportunity to take in the fresh air, to be glad he was out of the room where he’d been left to worry over thoughts of his family and life, unable to escape the things that plagued him. Instead he watched Rukia, watched her brows knit together, her expression that of concentration but troubled and obviously so. She was handed papers and sheets, each she held in delicate pale fingers, he watched her eyes flick back and forth over the pages, every now and again she’d glance up with a comment- none of which he could read on her lips although he did try. It was a look on her he wasn’t used to, it went beyond the determination she always carried with her, it looked as if he could actually see the weight of the world being placed on her shoulders and yet she stood and took it. But she couldn’t be struggling, Ichigo knew that because he knew her. Rukia had told him time and time again to not face things alone, that it wasn’t weak to share the load, and more than that he understood what Rukia was capable of. And after signing a few more pages Nanao was leaving and Rukia turned her attention on him again, she inhaled a breath and with it her entire form seemed to grow lighter, she cocked her head to the side to usher him along and although curiosity lingered in his system he decided not to ask what the conversation she just had was about. When she was ready she would tell him, that was their way.

“So where exactly are you dragging me?”

“Dragging you? This isn’t _dragging_ you- you’re lucky I didn’t drag you.”

“You couldn’t drag me if you tried.”

“Yes I could.”

He couldn’t help but smile, the glance she shot him filling him with warmth.

“Yeah, you could.” She looked away from him then, though her own lips curled into a proud smile and Ichigo rolled his eyes as he asked, “Where are we going though?”

“Rukongai, I have somewhere to go and thought I’d take pity and bring you along.”

“Wow, do you expect a thank you?”

“It would be nice but I won’t push for one.”

Why weren’t things always this easy? Ichigo couldn’t make sense of it. One second his whole world was falling apart, he didn’t know what to do or where to go, the next he was flash-stepping at Rukia’s side with a smile on his face and a weight lifted off his shoulders. He missed his family, their absence still played on his mind, but it was hard to focus on negativity when Rukia radiated so much comfort and familiarity. By her side things felt simpler, the world seemed clearer, he didn’t have everything figured out and she made him believe that that was alright. God, he’d missed her. When he thought of how long he spent without her, how many times one thing or another tried to pull them apart, how his life had been thrown off balance when she was gone and how her return always set him on the right path again, it should have been obvious that of all the people he still had in his life he was lucky to have her. He hadn’t lost everything that was important to him. His family, his friends and his life was back home but Rukia was here. She was with him, like she was meant to be.

“It’s nice here.”

They’d moved out of the populated areas of the Rukongai. There was no poverty, no children scrapping for food on the streets, people fighting over every small thing, these glimpses of injustice he’d seen as he stayed by Rukia’s side. The issues of the Rukongai didn’t seem to exist here, where in the distance mountains stood tall, where grass grew long and wild. The wind whipped around them, Rukia had gone ahead and her hair danced about in the wind like the locks were tiny puppets on invisible strings, co-ordinated and somewhat enchanting to watch. She didn’t reply to him as they walked, at least not for a while, she focused on leading the way and once they’d reached the peak of the hill she released a breath and placed her hands on her hips. From where they stood you could see for miles, though all the problems he’d seen before seemed brushed away from the distance, unimportant on the grand scale of things. He forgot sometimes that the world was so much bigger than even he’d known, there was so much of the Soul Society he hadn’t seen, so many places and so many people, it was almost as new to him as most of the World of the Living was. And he couldn’t deny that everything he saw was beautiful- even the areas that had clearly been damaged in the recent battles looked picturesque from where he stood- but more importantly was what stood on the hill itself. Rukia Kuchiki and the handful of headstones clear and sturdy propped up in the grass.

“Rukia?”

“We grew up together. Them, Renji and I, before we became Soul Reapers.” The hands that had come to rest on her hips moved to cross over her front as Ichigo moved to stand by her side. He watched her reach out a hand and press her palm to one of the grounded stones. “People leave us so quickly, friends and people we cared about, it’s a cycle and no one can remain forever in this world or the other.”

“I didn’t die, Rukia. I’m not meant to be here yet.”

“Exactly, you didn’t die! Your family didn’t die, you’re separate but it won’t be forever.”

“They’ve not come yet, it may be weeks or months, I might as well have died to end up here!”

It was harsh and he wasn’t surprised when Rukia spun around, the hand that had so delicately touched the grace of a friend curling into a fist, meeting his jaw in a swift motion that knocked him back a few steps. The skin where she’d struck was burning with heat, stinging against his flesh and drawing a frustrated growl from him. He deserved it, he damn well knew he did, but did she have to hit so hard.

“Am I dead to you, Ichigo? Is Renji? Do none of these people feel alive to you? This world is different, it is not the same as the World of the Living but we are alive in every sense of the word! My friends were alive for Renji and I, my sister was alive for Byakuya, and Kaien was alive for me! You don’t get to decide that my home isn’t as important as yours!”

She was furious. He could see it. Her eyes burned with all the rage of someone who had known loss as much as he had, who had watched those they cared about taken away time and time again with no explanation as to _why_ this was allowed to happen. Her gaze was molten violet, her teeth bared and fists clenched, for all her small stature there wasn’t an ounce of weakness in her. He saw her challenge clear, that daring glint in her eye, begging him to try and contradict her so she could beat such useless thoughts from his mind. Violence was not something she took lightly or fell upon needlessly, the teasing jabs they exchanged were affection and nothing more, but there were times her touch burned with all the fires of hell and Ichigo found that nothing less would snap him out of whatever plagued his mind. Ichigo couldn’t argue with her, not when she looked at him like that, because it was more than anger it was pleading hope. It was a silent request not to give up on himself yet, a confirmation that she had yet to.

“You are not dead, you took a knock but you will pick yourself up and deal with it as you have every time before this. Why is it that after everything you’ve done you still lack such faith in yourself? So many people believe in you, Ichigo. I believe in you.”

“I know.” Words left him in a single breath, his gaze dropped from hers to the floor but he could still feel the power of her gaze on him. “It’s just, I used to fight to protect the people I cared about so when the battle was won I could go home and see them safe and now I can’t be there, I can’t keep them safe and it’s like-“

“Losing your powers all over again?”

His eyes snapped back up to meet hers and everything had softened. Her stance relaxed, her fingers flexing at her sides, eyes warm and searching. Always searching, for ways to make it better, for the parts of him that were strong enough to move forward and keep going. It never seemed to matter whether or not she found what she was looking for, somehow it only seemed to matter that she was searching, that when Ichigo lost all hope in himself she still believed that buried deep he had the capability to keep fighting. She saw the strength in him that sometimes he couldn’t find.

“You can still make a difference here, maybe not in the same way you used to but you will find your place and everything will be fine, you’ll help protect your family and so many other people by being here. You’re no weaker than before, no less able, you can continue to fight and protect except now you can do so as part of a new team.” Rukia paused, her lips quirked into a smile, and when she continued there was a great deal of pride in her voice, “You’ve had all the time you need to recover, I think you’re ready to move forward and if you let us there are people here who want to make things easier, who want to help. You’re a Soul Reaper now, that may not be what you expected or wanted but being a Soul Reaper means you’re part of all of us, we’re all on your side.”

“Not just a substitute anymore, huh?”

“Something I’m sure you can find the time to boast about later.”

“So will I be put in Squad? Can I expect to be an underling to Renji or yourself any day now?”

It was a joke really, he managed a small laugh, but he was hopeful. Ichigo honestly wasn’t sure how well he’d cope with all of this, it would no doubt take time and it would be indescribably easier to try and move on and make a life for himself in the Soul Society if he was put somewhere with friends always nearby. Renji would no doubt be difficult to work with, not to mention it’d mean working under Byakuya which he could only imagine would be a real pain to cope with, but it’d be better than nothing. Ideally, he’d be with Rukia. The two of them taking on challenges and tasks together like they used to, making a difference side by side like they had a few good years ago. And her presence was calming, the idea that no matter what was happening during the day he could find her nearby would make the transition into his new life considerably easier. He was really hopeful.

And then he wasn’t.

The saddened smile on Rukia’s face telling him everything he needed to know.

“Wherever you’re placed will need to keep an eye on you for a while and it’s been suggested that between being ‘acting Captain’ and handling things within my own Squad it would’ve be beneficial to have you with me. I couldn’t say whether they’ll find you a place with Byakuya or not.”

“Oh. No, I get it, that actually makes sense with you as- shit, Rukia, acting Captain? I forgot about all of that, I’m sorry.”

It was easy to forget how many people had been lost or, perhaps, it was easy to forget the people who’d made sacrifices during the war that weren’t necessarily close to him. While he was moping over the separation from his family Rukia was standing tall, taking on the duties of a Captain because hers had been lost. Jushiro Ukitake was a good man, Ichigo hadn’t known him half as well as he would’ve liked but even when sickly and unwell it seemed he always put so much effort into doing what was right. He’d objected to Rukia’s execution all those years ago, he’d fought against Aizen with the rest of them, time and time again he’d come to their aid like so many other Captains had too but other than that, the one detail that seemed the most important, was that the man had been a positive influence and system of support in Rukia’s life. She’d admired the man, Ichigo knew that well enough, being his Lieutenant had been a great honour to her and helping him in any way she could- following in the footsteps of the dear friend they’d both lost- had brought so much pride to her. He hadn’t stopped to think that Rukia had so much to deal with, she had lost a friend and in his stead was taking on a roll she’d not yet prepared for, not to mention the Soul Society was in a state of re-build.

And against all that she’d found the time to visit him, every day without exception.

Even now it brought a tight warmth to his chest to think that he was one of priorities.

Or maybe, though she didn’t say it, with the whole world on her shoulders she needed time away from the chaos of the Soul Society.

She was his welcomed escape, he was hers.

“It’s fine.” She said after a moment, giving a half-smile as she turned her gaze out into the distance. “He was always unwell and because of that many people felt the need to walk on eggshells around him but no one really knew how much he did behind closed doors, not even me. He was so capable and- and he was kind. I was so proud to be able to work with him and I wish it had lasted longer, I feel as though there was so much more he could’ve taught me- he and Kaien both. But I can’t be sad about their parting, they both died while defending something important to them, in the end they made the ultimate sacrifice to keep other people safe and that’s the sort of Squad I always wanted to be a part of. I will miss him though, I’ll miss his guidance and his careful wisdom, but I’m not alone in feeling how I do. Earlier, when Nanao came to see me, it was about plans for his funeral. From the beginning I’ve been involved with the preparations because Head Captain Kyoraku has asked for my input on most of the details, at first I selfishly believed it was his way of unloading more work onto me but then I remembered that my Captain was his best friend and any hurt I felt over his loss was hurt he no doubt shared. That’s the thing about loss, it can make you feel alone and I understand that but you’re never the only person who’s felt loss, Ichigo. You’re not the only person hurting. Moving forward isn’t about forgetting the pain, it’s about learning to share it.”

His heart was thudding. Rukia inspired hope in him like it was second nature to her. She spoke and his spirits lifted, her words always rang true and clear, she opened his mind to seeing the world through her eyes and it always felt so much brighter.

Rukia Kuchiki was inspirational.

“When’s the funeral?”

It was all he could think to ask, as he moved forward the few steps her punch had forced between them earlier. He too looked out across the Rukongai, inhaling a deep breath and after a moment of silence he lifted a hand to rest it on her shoulder. She didn’t respond in any way to the touch other than an inhale of breath.

“The day after tomorrow. You’ll come, won’t you?”

He knew what she was really asking. She was asking for his support, his presence, requesting that he be strong for her at least for a day. Ichigo was no fool, he knew Rukia was capable of so much, but just because she could carry the weight of the world on her shoulders and continue onwards didn’t mean he wanted her to. With all the times she’d picked him up off the ground, taken him from his lowest point and brought him up to stand tall and proud again, he didn’t need to take any time to decide whether or not he could be strong for the both of them.

“’Course I’ll come.”

“Good, it’ll be nice to have you there.”

She sighed, her shoulders dropped slightly and he squeezed the joint in silent encouragement.

“There’ll be a lot of people there, all seated officers and all of my squad. He touched a lot of lives. That’s the funny thing about loss, when someone’s gone it feels like _everyone_ has, it’s easy to forget that every person in this world or the other will touch so many lives throughout their own and when they’re gone all those people will feel it and they’ll all feel a little less bright because they’re missing someone they cared for. You’ve got to remember you’re never alone, no matter what you’re feeling. Every emotion you have will have been felt before you and after you, it’ll likely be felt somewhere at the same time as you, because no one is ever truly alone. Loss isn’t lonely, everyone will feel it at some point, most people many times in their lives.”

Rukia was right. Of course she was right. He had felt loss before, as a child, and even then he knew it wouldn’t be the last time and that for all the pain he felt his family felt it too. Now, he was here, missing his family and no doubt they’d be missing him but none of them were alone in that. Their bonds were not gone with the distance between them, in fact it was their ability to copy with the distance that would prove just how strong their bonds were and always would be.

“Your family will visit, Ichigo.” Rukia assured, tilting her head up towards him with that hint of determination in her smile that he could still picture perfectly with his eyes closed, imprinted so deep into his mind that he’d never forget it. “And when they do you need to show them that you are not broken. Work hard, find your place here, if I know your family at all they’ll expect you to take this in your stride and keep fighting for them even if you can’t be physically there. Your friends too, they have faith in you, and I won’t let any of them come here and find a pathetic fool who just gave up- that’s not you and letting you be that would not be me.”

There was a moment of silence.

Of eyes locked on eyes.

Promises exchanged that no words were needed for.

 

_I can do this_. **You can do this.**

_I will continue to be strong for those I care about_. **You can still protect them across the distance.**

_I’ve lost people before_. **They’re not lost, just separate.**

_I’ve lost you before._ **You never lost me, I was always there.**

 

“I’m going to be a real Soul Reaper then, with a Squad and everything.”

“Correct.”

“I reckon I could make a decent Captain, with my skill? Fancy putting a good word in for me?” The hand on her shoulder came up to pat her atop her head, ruffling the wind-blown locks with a light-hearted chuckle, sarcasm laced in his voice as he asked, “Captain Ichigo Kurosaki has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

“Please! With your reckless stomping about, swinging weapons about the place like a lunatic, you’d destroy half of what we’re trying to rebuild!”

“Oh, that so? Nothing to do with you being pissed at the idea of me ranking higher than you?”

“Ranking higher than _me_?” Rukia scoffed, slapping Ichigo’s hand away from her hair and taking a step back to brush her fingers through the locks, a sad attempt to neaten what the wind whipped up again less than two seconds later. “You’d have to fight me and Renji to even consider it, fool.”

Her arms swung about her sides dramatically as she turned around and without another word she was heading back down the hill. Ichigo stood for a moment, watching her go and laughing as she did. It felt so good to laugh, really laugh, let the feeling fill him from the tips of his toes to the rustling spikes of his hair, until all he could feel was weight lifting right off his shoulders and a warmth in his chest that had too long been absent. He took off after her in a jog, catching up in time to nudge her shoulder with his elbow, ducking momentarily to catch her expression, relieved to find she too was smiling brightly. A roll of her eyes indicating that she was ok. They were ok. He was going to be ok.

 

* * *

 

“Um, Ichigo?”

“Hanataro? What are you doing here?”

After his trip with Rukia the previous day, he’d headed back to his recovery room by her side and she’d remained as long as she could. They talked about stupid things, about the old days when they’d gone to class together, laughed over the memories they shared. He told her the classes he’d miss, the teachers he’d miss teaching them, and she told him the same. It had never occurred to him that Rukia knew what it was like to give up the World of the Living too, she had built the start of a life there with him all those years ago, she’d made friends too and settled into a place she could almost call home, but in the end she’d returned to the Soul Society and had to give up on all the things she came to like about the other world. He realised that _his_ friends were actually _their_ friends. She missed them too. Duty called her away from him and Ichigo spent the rest of the night not as he had previous ones, instead of lying awake staring at the ceiling he took some time to consider how he could actually be helpful within the Soul Society. He reasoned with his anxieties, he knew deep down that Rukia was right, being a Soul Reaper ultimately helped keep many people safe and the people he cared for back home were included in that group. If he worked hard here, found his place, did all he could in his new life, then he would be contributing to keeping them safe and for now that would have to be enough for him. This wasn’t something he could just change. And then he’d slept and slept considerably well, waking up to find breakfast had already been left at his room, which he ate eagerly- actually needing the substance after the previous day, he’d almost forgot how good a full stomach could feel after a busy day.

And then Hanataro showed up, looking more confident than Ichigo had ever seen him, though still with that almost fragile quality about him that made him seem so harmless- which he was, for the most part, both harmless and a good friend.

“Well, Ichigo, I was sent by Lieutenant Kotetsu to inform you of your temporary placement within Squad Four. I brought you your uniform and, for the time being, you can work with me and my relief team through the Soul Society.”

“Oh.” He tried to sound enthusiastic, really he did, though he was a little taken aback. Squad Four? He didn’t know how he could be of assistance to a Squad focused on medical recovery when he knew nothing of the medical practises in the Soul Society. He was good at fighting and protecting, not _healing_. A doubt that was clear on his face because Hanataro was beginning to look uncomfortable and so Ichigo, as delicately as possible, questioned, “Sorry, it’s just… I don’t know how to do all that healing stuff.”

“Well, yes, we are aware of that and I’m sure that you would’ve rather been in a more active fighting Squad, Ichigo, but unfortunately with all that’s happened recently Squad Four is where we need the most help- it’s alright even if you don’t know healing techniques, there’s more than enough jobs to be doing that would really just make this whole recovery process a whole lot easier… It’s not what you would’ve wanted, I realise that, but it will be really nice to work with you and Lieutenant Kotetsu is really-“

“Hanataro, it’s great!” The enthusiasm was there this time and even surprising to him it wasn’t forced. It was not the Squad he would’ve chosen, that he would openly admit, but he realised in a time so complicated and unorganised he needed to go and be helpful wherever he was needed. Ichigo wasn’t selfish, he wanted to help people, and although his strengths weren’t in medicine he wasn’t entirely clueless- in fact perhaps it would be nice to be around people trying to help others on a very basic level, like being back at Kurosaki Clinic. He gave a soft smile, scratching a hand to the back of his neck as he continued, “Plus, maybe I’ll learn a thing or two working with you in your Squad, learning all that Kido stuff can only be a positive?”

More than that, it was a place for him to be, a role for him to take on, a stepping stone on a journey he had no choice but to take.

It was a first step and he didn’t have to take it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, apologies for the slow update! Problems with my computer and health made updating difficult over the last few weeks but hopefully that won't continue to be the case moving forward!
> 
> Secondly, a few people may be a little surprised with my Squad choice for Ichigo but bear with me! I do have lots of canons and reasons about why Squad Four would be a great starting point for Ichigo as a Soul Reaper, reasons that will be explored in the next few chapters and hopefully you'll see have a pretty solid foundation! Also, keep in mind it's not unusual for Soul Reapers to spend time in various Squads so this is just the start of his journey!
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed, I'll be back with another chapter (hopefully) soon and feel free to leave comments, questions etc.
> 
> Another little note, I have an official tumblr for the fic- http://stringsoffatefics.tumblr.com/ - where I accept questions, inspiration ideas, and post updates so feel free to take a look!


	3. Strength in Numbers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo begins settling into Squad Four and gains confidence in his new position, meanwhile Rukia prepares for Jushiro Ukitake's funeral and the strain this puts on her causes Ichigo to question many things he thought he knew, not only about Rukia, but about himself too.

Squad Four was expectantly busy. While recovering he hadn’t had much time to wander around and see what damage had yet to be repaired but now it was painfully clear. It wasn’t just Soul Reapers who needed assistance, the balance that had been tipped for a while was causing problems for everyone and the entire barracks were busy and bustling in every corridor. Rooms were overrun, teams were being divided between staying within the barracks to deal with people already there and moving out of the Seireitei to areas of the Rukongai where the fights had spread and caused chaos. It was a funny sort of feeling, previously when he’d fought for- and on occasion against- the Soul Society things seemed to simply be fixed after victory was achieved, it had been easy to go home with battles won and forget that he essentially left behind a warzone. As a fighter, a protector, his job had previously been complete when the battles were over and he hadn’t been expected to stay behind and help repair everything that had been destroyed, and now when he thought about it he felt incredibly guilty. How many times had he just left and gone home, back to his life and his family, without worrying about the work his friends would have to deal with to get their own lives back on track? He was so used to his role being the protector that following Hanataro around the barracks to where they’d be working- stopping now and again for Hanataro to deal with one issue or another- he felt completely out of his depth. He wasn’t a healer, he wasn’t someone who knew how to stay behind and fix everything, this was so far out of his comfort zone that doubt began to settle in his bones.

He couldn’t do this.

Help people.

Heal people.

That wasn’t what _he_ did.

The urge to crawl back to his room of recovery and remain there for another few weeks crept into his system and just when his ‘fight or flight’ instincts were kicking in he thought of Rukia, of what she’d told him. _You can still make a difference here, maybe not in the same way you used to but you will find your place_. He couldn’t expect for things to be the same for him in the Soul Society, he had to look at this as an opportunity to learn new things, not cling onto the way things used to be. He wanted to be helpful, he owed an awful lot to so many people here and although he knew little to nothing about healing in the Soul Society he had to try his best for the sake of helping those who’d helped him before. Plus, the more he thought about it the more sure he was that shrinking back to his recovery room wouldn’t last, Rukia would no doubt storm in the moment she heard and physically drag him back out again. When she said she wouldn’t let him mope about and let his family down he believed her, it wasn’t in either of their natures to let the other give up so easily, they both had people counting on them and with each other’s support they made sure they didn’t let those people down. It might even impress his family if they came to visit and found him on the way to becoming a semi-decent healer, following somewhat after his dad in a medical field, and either way no one could complain about him not pulling his weight if he was trying.

“Ichigo, this is where we’ll be handling things today.”

The room he’d been taken to seemed, at first glance, chaotic. Instead of beds and healers there were desks stacked with papers, people lining up to get in from a door on the opposite side of the room, Soul Reapers in uniform ducking out to run along the line and select certain people to bring them through. The people, he noticed, waiting to get inside weren’t Soul Reapers but just ordinary spirits. Men, women and children all waiting in line and all, in one way or another, injured. They looked lost. About as clueless as to what was going on as he was except he had Hanataro to lean on, someone to show him a way, where these people just looked hopeless. There was something unsettling about it, seeing so many people waiting for something they didn’t even seem to be sure of themselves, like a hospital waiting room. Which is when he realised- perhaps a little late but who could blame him- that’s exactly what the room was functioning as. A waiting room, people here were waiting to be healed or helped and that actually made him feel grounded. He could do waiting rooms, he’d waited with patients at the clinic back home before, took information and kept them calm while his dad and sisters were too busy to cover that side of things. And he was actually rather glad to not be put in a position where he had to start learning any of that healing stuff, he was sure it’d all be really helpful at some point but these weren’t the sort of people you practised on, the Soul Society was in a serious crisis and the last thing they needed was him messing things up. Waiting rooms were ideal.

“What do you need?” His attention turned to Hanataro, determination laced in his voice, eager to get started and that seemed to surprise his- something he never thought he’d say- _superior_.

“Oh- erm- well, the team in here is working on documenting everything. On the desks you’ll find copies of the sheets that need to be filled, as much information as possible, though the most important things to consider are where the patients are from and what they’re suffering with. We’re working with a priority system, people with injuries that keep them immobile or where they’re visibly suffering should be sent to me with their papers and I can have them sent to the correct area to be dealt with. People who have less concerning injuries will have to wait, unfortunately, as we’re limited in numbers at the moment.”

“Understandable, just quickly- these people… they’re not from within the Seireitei? I didn’t know Squad Four dealt with issues that weren’t Soul Reaper related?”

“Under usual circumstances we do focus our attention on Soul Reapers, of course, which is why most of the seated officers received their healing first. We recently started bringing people in from the Rukongai under Head Captain’s orders, with all the destruction caused it couldn’t all be contained to the Seireitei, a lot of people got caught up in something that we’re really meant to protect them from so we’re helping as many as we can for a while.” Hanataro’s explanation made a lot of sense and Ichigo was honestly impressed, not because of what he said but because of the confidence he used to say it. It occurred to him that this was the man’s territory, Hanataro was perhaps nervous in the past but this was where he worked every day, this was where he could be confident in his actions. He was a seated officer, something easy to forget when he could be so timid and anxious, but within his own barracks it was as if he grew into a stronger person and something about that made Ichigo’s mood brighten considerably. If Hanataro could have such pride in everything he did here then who was he to question where he’d been placed? With a small nod Hanataro continued, “Plus it’s beneficial for the re-build, it’s why it’s important to ask where people are from and where they were injured, we can focus our energies on areas where the most people were injured so when they’re done healing here they can return home to find it being restored. That’s our job, as Soul Reapers, to protect all spirits in any way we can.”

“You’re really working hard,” Ichigo took mental notes of the surroundings as he rolled up his sleeves and nodded towards one of the many desks stacked high with papers. “Those the things I need?”

“Yes, the papers on the desk, there should be two per patient, one to send on with them that contains details of their injuries and one more about where they’re from and who they are, that one can be stacked on the opposite desk when you’re done.” Hanataro went over to the desks himself, lifting up a stack which he handed to Ichigo and then grabbing a smaller pile for himself. “You know what you’re doing?”

“Find a patient, fill in the sheets, send priorities to you with their injury information, keep other patients here until there’s space for them and stack papers concerning location on the opposite desk… That’s about it, right?”

“Yes, great! If you can just get stuck in it’ll be a big help, Ichigo- oh, and if you need anything you can ask just about anyone in uniform, we’re all one team so ask for help if you need it, we can’t really afford to be making mistakes with this information.”

“Better safe than sorry, I got it.” Ichigo nodded enthusiastically as he spoke, though his focus was on the papers in hand, flicking between the top two to take note of the difference in the questions, determined that if he was going to do this he was going to do it damn well- not just for him but for Hanataro too, who seemed really proud of what they were working towards here.

It was a long day but, actually, a good one. Ichigo spent the morning filling papers as he’d been asked to do, it was the kind of task one might consider tedious considering it was repeating the same thing repeatedly but to Ichigo the whole experience was steadying. This was the sort of work he knew, the sort of thing he picked up quickly and he found he enjoyed it, more than he would’ve initially thought. There was a lot one could learn just by talking to other people, Ichigo had never thought much about the impact of the battles he fought in the Soul Society, what it meant for the other spirits that lived there. He rather enjoyed talking to people, listening to them about their injuries and the states of their homes, because there was no denying they needed it. They just needed someone to talk to, someone to listen, it occurred to him that perhaps the Soul Reapers hadn’t always been the best at dealing with the needs of the other spirits they shared their world with but it wasn’t something that could be ignored. People’s lives had been changed, their homes destroyed, many were just collateral damage in a war that had nothing to do with any of them. They needed protecting, he realised, but not in the way he’d been protecting people before. They needed change. It was something he felt among his fellow squad members- as he was already referring to them as.

Ichigo spent his short but sufficient lunch break with a young soul reaper names Akito. The boy, who was a good half a foot shorter than Ichigo with striking blonde hair pulled up into a bun, was everything his name suggested. He was positive and friendly, Ichigo had only just helped himself to a bowl of rice and stew before the boy had dropped down across from him and welcomed him whole-heartedly to the squad. He was new too, apparently, having just joined shortly before the Quincy incident and spoke openly about the sudden rush of work he was thrown into because of the situation. It couldn’t have been easy, Ichigo had noted, being placed into a squad where the captain was soon lost and the Seireitei was at war. However hard it had been it was the other spirits the boy spoke of most, he praised their resilience and condemned their suffering, he assured Ichigo it’s helping them now that made all the work before worthwhile.

He'd never agreed with anyone more.

His afternoon was spent much like his morning, he spoke to those in need mainly and recorded the injuries of those in line and the damage to their homes, and when finally things seemed to slow down he was put to work organising reports and making note of which areas were mentioned most in terms of damages. Hanataro admitted he wasn’t sure how much they could do to restore the damages, their priority had to be healing and individual squads were working more towards rebuilding their own barracks than moving further out, but it was information that needed to be organised all the same and Ichigo actually didn’t mind sitting in the small group gathered, re-reading over files and helping the process along until the sky was dark and Hanataro finally cleared his throat.

“I think we should leave it here, for the day. I need to fill out some reports for Lieutenant Kotetsu, the rest of you should get some rest before another hectic day tomorrow.”

The group agreed with nods and murmurs, stretching out their limbs and getting to their feet at a leisurely pace, everyone well-worked after the long day it had been. The most unusual thing for Ichigo was watching the other squad members be so polite to Hanataro, they addressed him well and thanked him for his hard work and guidance before they left, leaving Ichigo the last one behind with a grin on his face. It was nice to see his friend being treated well, thinking back to when they first met Hanataro had seemed so fragile, his squad was so often bullied by the other’s and Ichigo had honestly wondered how he coped by himself. But he was different now, time had passed which had clearly made the man more confident but it was clear here, within Squad Four, that Hanataro really had a place. A purpose. It was exactly what Ichigo needed.

“You’re really got a handle on things here,” He complimented with a nod. “It’s nice, not what’s going on but that someone like you is in charge.”

“You think so? I don’t know, it’s- it’s really all the Lieutenant’s orders. She’s been through a lot so anything I can do to help I want to do. I’m glad you stayed behind though, I’m under strict instructions to get you into your new room as soon as possible.”

“Strict instructions?” Ichigo laughed, “From who? Lieutenant Kotetsu doesn’t want me taking up a patient’s bed any longer?”

“Oh, no! Not that Lieutenant, at least.”

It took Ichigo a moment, a brow raised thoughtfully as he got to his feet and stretched his arms above his head, leaving them there awkwardly in the air when it dawned on him and he sighed. Rukia. She was really taking this whole ‘get out of recovery’ thing seriously.

“She worries too much,” He concluded quietly.

“Well… regardless, I’ll show you to your room, it’ll be an early start tomorrow.”

He followed Hanataro through the barracks until they entered a quiet building, you immediately stepped onto a semi-open corridor with one room followed by long corridors all coming off from the left, rooms on both sides of each, all of which they passed until turning down the final corridor. As they walked through Hanataro mentioned occasional names and gestured to doors, all of which Ichigo tried but failed to immediately take in, the day’s work finally taking its toll on him, until they came to the last door on the left of the corridor. Hanataro slid the door open and Ichigo followed him inside to find a quaint room waiting for him. It was different to the room he’d been in for recovery, there was a bed ready to be set up in the far left corner, a desk in the far right, to his right were open sliding doors to a small cupboard that currently had a spare uniform inside and not much else. There was a window above his desk looking out into a small courtyard, lit up dimly by lanterns. It felt different to the recovery room, there was a sense of potential about it, it occurred to him that this room was a blank canvas now but it’s purpose was to be personalised by whoever occupied it.

“Here you are, you have a spare uniform in the cupboard and there’s some medical supplies in your desk. This is the second block of rooms, everyone in this block eats together so for breakfast you just have to go back the way we came, the first door we went past is where you’ll be able to get meals throughout the day. Tomorrow we’ll likely be doing the same work as today, if you need anything I’m at the other end of the block with the officers who’ve been here a while longer.”

“Thanks, Hanataro. I guess I’ll just get some rest then and see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll leave you to it,” He smiled and went to leave but, before he did, paused at the door and added, “Oh, and Ichigo, I don’t think Rukia worries too much. I think she has more faith in you than you have in yourself.”

“Yeah?”

Hanataro nodded before he left, shutting the door and leaving Ichigo alone. He took a moment to evaluate his room again, not quite sure how to make it feel like home yet but playing with a few ideas, wondering if it wouldn’t be too much to send word to his family to bring some things over when they visited- which could be some time though, he supposed. Not something he was going to dwell on. Instead he walked over to the window and pushed in open, letting taking in a deep breath as he considered what Hanataro had said and his thoughts drifted to Rukia.

_I think she has more faith in you than you have in yourself._

Well, it wouldn’t be the first time.

 

* * *

 

 

Ichigo awoke the next morning to voices outside his door. He’d slept well, much to his surprise, the work of the previous day had taken more of a toll on him than he realised but he supposed after some time spent doing nothing it was to be expected that a single day of work could have him sleeping like a log the moment his head hit the pillow. Whatever the cause he didn’t care, he woke up feeling rested and content, he knew the plan for the morning and with the bustle of noise stirring around him was ready to get to work. He got dressed into his uniform quickly- which was nice in itself, having a uniform, slotting into a routine again- and rolled his eyes when his stomach growled and encouraged him to head to breakfast. He had food on the mind and was ready to shovel a hearty meal into his mouth, instead coming to a quick stop when he slid his door open to find two Soul Reapers outside his room, mid-conversation and about him no less.

“If you could just give these to him I’d-“ Rukia’s voice trailed off the moment the saw him, she took a short intake of breath and breathed his name on the exhale.

“Rukia and… Akito? What’s going on?”

“Good morning, Ichigo!” The shorter boy grinned, hair now plaited and pinned into a bun, as cheerful as Ichigo remembered. Perhaps a little too cheerful for before breakfast.

“Good, you do know each other. I was just going to leave these for you here, Ichigo, I can’t really stay and chat so,” Before he could even ask she had shoved a small box into his arms, he looked at it quizzically and opened his mouth to speak only to be cut off when Rukia continued, “So I’ll leave that with you, thank you for offering to hold them for me, Sato.”

“Not at all, Lieutenant Kuchiki, anything I can do to help.”

“Thank you, now if you’ll excuse me I have a lot to do and won’t keep you any longer.”

She turned to leave, taking two steps down the corridor before Ichigo managed to call after her. She came to a stop, her form tense and shoulders rising as she took in a deep breath, before she turned back towards him. It had been obvious to him something was off but it didn’t dawn on him until he saw her properly how exhausted she looked. He hadn’t seen Rukia like this, at least not for a long time, no matter what the situation there was always something fiery in her but that light had dulled since the last time he’d seen her- wind in her hair, smile on her face, having once again encouraged him to get back on his feet and take his new situation in his stride. It had only been a few days, not even that, but something had changed- something he was forgetting…

“Ichigo,” There was an uncertainty in her voice he didn’t recognise, something almost cautious about the way she said his name before she asked, “You’re coming today, aren’t you? To the funeral?”

The funeral.

He’d forgotten, when she’d told him about it before it had seemed some time off, two days felt like a lot of time to fill when he hadn’t known what he’d be doing. Now he had a squad, he had duties, work that needed to be continued that he wasn’t sure he could just drop last minute. He looked at her though, at the fragility of a girl who he’d always known to be infinitely strong, and Ichigo knew he’d be there. Screw other duties, there wasn’t much he could do anyway, he’d do extra work later if he had to, it wouldn’t be the first time he caused a little trouble for the Soul Society- little being a matter of opinion.

“Yes, I’ll be there. It’s...?”

“This afternoon,” She informed with a nod, “You’re sure you can come?”

“I’ll be there.”

“Right, thank you.”

Rukia left and Ichigo watched after her, right down the corridor until she turned out of sight and only then did he sigh. She wasn’t doing good, so he had to make sure he was there. But for now, he turned his attention to the box she had handed him, small and wooden, he balanced it on one hand and removed the lid with the other. Inside were four rice balls, all clumsily shaped into curled up white rabbits, no doubt a handmade attempt by Rukia herself. One of them was missing an eye. Still he smiled, shaking his head a little as he showed Akito the box and offered the share them, the boy gleefully agreeing and encouraging him to breakfast.

Now he only had to get out of work.

 

* * *

 

 

It was actually easier done than he expected, Rukia had told him before that all seated officers were being invited to the funeral service so Hanataro was already going and when Ichigo spotted him and mentioned it at breakfast his friend was quick to agree Ichigo should be there. It would only be one afternoon, there would be a less formal event in the evening optional to all Soul Reapers but for the funeral itself only Squad Thirteen and the seated officers of other squads would be there- Ichigo would be the exception. As Rukia had requested him there herself Hanataro assured him there’d be no objections, Rukia had been organising a lot of the funeral arrangements herself so her one personal request could be granted.

Despite the chaos that had taken over the Soul Society only recently the set up for the funeral was lovely, the ceremony would take place near the Ugendō Quarters, where his body would be on display and would be open for people to give their respects. The main gathering, however, took place at the other edge of the water that surrounded the Ugendō Quarters in a large courtyard where seats had been set out in two groups, one large sector and a smaller one. The large sector was reserved for Squad Thirteen themselves, the whole squad was impeccably dressed and chatting quietly amongst themselves when Ichigo arrived, by simply walking by he picked up on various conversations about the captain they’d lost, parts of stories he almost wished he’d stopped to pay proper attention to. Instead he was lead over to the smaller section, reserved for captains and other seated officers from other squads, with captains and lieutenants at the front and their seated officers sat ordered towards the back. Ichigo gathered he’d sit right at the back, he had no seat and had only been part of Squad Four for a day at best, he didn’t want to barge in near the front even if there was a niggling concern at the back of his mind that wanted to seek out Rukia. She had to be present somewhere, that much he knew, and he wanted to see her if possible before all of this started, but this wasn’t about him. This wasn’t even about her. The back would do.

Or so he thought.

“Hey, Ichigo! Where are you going?”

A hand clasped onto his shoulder before he could take a seat, pulling him around until he came face to face with someone familiar.

“Renji! I should’ve gathered you’d be here, it’s good to see you.”

“You too, Rukia told me she’d finally convinced you out of that recovery room, no dragging or nothing, which is a real shame ‘cause we had this whole bet going-“ He was abruptly cut off when Ichigo smacked him over the side of the head.

“Yeah, she told me about that one. Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Please, it wouldn’t be the first time she’s had to drag you somewhere, you can be a real stubborn ass when you wanna be. Why are you sitting back here anyway? There’s a seat for you at the front.”

“The front?”

“Yeah.”

“But I’m fine at the back, it’s not like I’m a-“

“Right, you’re not a captain or a lieutenant but you are starting to show those stubborn ass tendencies again, maybe just do as your told and sit yourself at the front?”

“You’re not going to take no as an answer?”

“Not a chance.”

Ichigo sighed but let himself be guided to the front all the same, he was sat on the very end of the front row, there were eleven seats to his left with only some filled- Lieutenant Kotetsu had already arrived, she was talking to Lieutenant Hinamori who was sat two seats down from her on the other end- and no sooner had he been placed in his seat had Renji shuffled into the row behind him, sitting just one seat along. It didn’t take long before the other seats began filling up and the sense that he should’ve maybe sat somewhere else was creeping into his system fast, it didn’t help that when Shinji breezed past he definitely teased him about that exact fact, which Ichigo grimaced at but held his tongue merely because of where they were. Byakuya didn’t make a comment though, when he took the seat behind Ichigo, which would have been surprising except more than anyone Byakuya knew how to pay people the proper respect they deserved and here was definitely not the time or place to be worrying about trivial details. So Ichigo didn’t dwell on it either. The seats filled quickly after that, all but the one beside him, and soon enough he realised why when Rukia arrived and took to standing before them all.

“Firstly, I- I’d like to thank everyone for taking the time to come today, I’m going to hand you over to the Head Captain shortly but first I’d like to give a message on behalf of Squad Thirteen,” She paused to take a breath, a deep one, her eyes closed for a moment and it was one of those rare moments where Ichigo could see that she was _trying_ to be strong. Most of the time strength seemed effortless to Rukia, even when she had lost her powers to him she had faced enemies with confidence, she had pushed aside her worries and lead him forward to become the man he was today. But he could see the effort now, as she stood there all alone, taking the lead on a task that for anyone would be difficult but for her had to be exhausting- her Captain had meant a lot to her, Ichigo had seen that even without her saying it. But still, she opened her eyes again and when she began to speak her stammer from before was all but forgotten, voice clear and calm when she paid tribute to a man who had meant so much to her. “As a Captain, Jushiro Ukitake was kind and patient, despite his battles with illness he was someone we all felt we could rely on and in turn we aimed to be a squad strong enough so that he could rely on us. To me- to all of us, really- he was not just a mentor but a dear friend, someone who offered guidance and advice but also took the time to make each of us feel valued. He pushed us to work hard for the things that were important to us and I have no doubt his presence will be felt as we move forward and aim to do him proud. I hope, with time, I can also become someone who my fellow squad members can rely on and together, in his honour, we will all work hard to strengthen our bonds and make our squad one to be truly proud of. Thank you.”

There were nods and murmurs among the crowd as the Head Captain stood to take over and Rukia greeted him with a brief squeeze to his hands before she, quickly and quietly, walked out of the lime light and came to sit in the empty seat beside Ichigo. The Head Captain had already began talking and Ichigo did his best to focus but his attention wandered, he heart Rukia take in a deep breath, it shook on the inhale and for a fleeting moment he almost went to hold her hand. He would have too, to show her he was there, that he was proud, but found himself faltering when a hand gently clapped down on her shoulder from the seat behind and Rukia was quick to lift a hand to hold onto it. Disappointed. For a few moments the feeling practically swallowed him, a bitter thing he wished away, reminding himself that he was not the only one who noticed Rukia’s struggle and cared for her, but he still found himself dejected that the hand she held onto so tightly was not his. She had supported him so much in the World of the Living, but this was a different world- it was _her_ world- and whether Ichigo liked it or not things were different here.  It had so often felt like they only had each other before and he supposed that was true in her case, when they first met she’d given her powers to him and because of that she’d always stayed close, the two of them had done everything together and things had felt good that way. Here Rukia had a lot of other people who cared about her, which was a good thing and yet there was a subtle longing tightening his chest when he thought of the way things used to be. So much had changed and-

His gaze dropped, and thoughts scattered, when a gentle knock of her knee against his caught his attention. It could’ve been an accident, he almost played it off as much, except when he glanced up at her face he found her looking at him from the corner of her eye. His eyes searched her face, taking in the mixture of emotions that swam in her gaze and kept her small smile strained, and more than ever he wanted to hold her hand. Just hold it, have a hold of her, tether her to reality in the way she so often had for him and it hurt- his chest felt tight and his skin hot- when he knew he just couldn’t. Because someone else got there first.

_How stupid._

She was still looking at him, as if waiting for- for something he couldn’t put his finger on. It occurred to him now he didn’t know exactly how to be there for her in a situation like this, they were two people who had lost so much and when he’d been hurting she’d always offered words of wisdom and reassurance- two things that were out of place here. Where words had failed before there’d been physical comfort, Ichigo had leaned on her more times than he could count, but this urge to hold her was different and deeper. It was the realisation that all the strength he gained to help others was suddenly useless, what she needed was not great power but tender comfort, someone who wasn’t going to shield her from the world but someone who would keep her connected to it. And Ichigo had never been that person, he wasn’t sure he knew how to be that person, that wasn’t what they did and while that had been fine before now it left him feeling hopeless.

But not entirely.

With no other options all he could think to do was offer a small smile and gently knock his knee back against hers, as brief as her touch had been to him. It felt stupid, such an insignificant thing, and yet not a second had gone by since his knee knocked hers and Rukia was smiling. Her gaze dropped from his, she looked down to her lap, and though she still held Renji’s hand on her shoulder when she shook her head and bit back a grin Ichigo knew that was all _him_.

 

* * *

 

It was a lovely service, in the end, lead by the Head Captain who spoke a lot of his lost friend. It was respectful, just what the man had deserved, and Ichigo spent the entirety of it sat at Rukia’s side. Which he understood was exactly where he needed to be. Though as everyone moved on to the wake and others from other squads gathered to offer their condolences it didn’t take long before they were separated, before duty called Rukia from him again and Ichigo found himself passing the time by jumping from one conversation to the next with various friends he hadn’t had much chance to see since he began settling in with his squad. Stories were shared about Jushiro with each person he came across, everyone had wonderful things to say- which didn’t surprise him, from what he knew of the man he didn’t expect many could have bad things to say about him- but Ichigo could only half-concentrate when now and again he’d spot Rukia in the crowd. She was being kept busy, swept up by people of all stations as they offered kind words and exchanged stories, and she seemed to be smiling each time he saw her, but he had to wonder if she weren’t putting on a brave face for the sake of everyone else. He knew he’d find it exhausting, dealing with all of this on top of all her other duties, but he could barely get close to her. Not until the sun was beginning to set.

“Here,” Ichigo hadn’t even seen her approaching, having long settled back on the outer edged of the wake and simply observed the celebration of Jushiro’s life going on before him. When Rukia had stepped up beside him he couldn’t be sure exactly, but she had a drink in hand and he took it with a smile.

“Thanks,” He took a sip from the cup, as she did her own, and released a long sigh before he finally got to tell her, “What you said before was really… it was really something- amazing, I mean. Everyone here’s said so, that you did such a good job of summing up how important Jushiro was to so many people.” Ichigo paused for a moment, watching Rukia as she watched the crowd before them, and with his voice softening added, “It was brave of you to speak, to take so much work on.”

“It was the least I could do, after all he’d done so much for me and…” Her voice trailed off, the smile she’d kept up the entire afternoon faltering, though she took a sip of her drink to try and cover it. Silence dwelled between them for some time before she spoke up again, “I couldn’t let the Head Captain handled this alone, it’s been harder on him than I’m sure he’ll allow anyone to see.”

“It’s been hard on both of you, for you to do all of this by yourself-“

“He loved him,” She interrupted, sighing as she shifted her weight on the balls of her feet. Restless, she seemed, an unusual look on her and one that brought a frown to Ichigo’s face.

“They were friends, weren’t they?”

It seemed a simply enough question, it wasn’t unusual for Ichigo to be a little dense when it came to matters of the heart, he meant only to clarify what she implied but instead her reply confused him further.

“You can’t be in love with your friend?”

Her voice was distant as she answered, tired of perhaps distracted? She was looking out across those who mingled in the crowd, gaze unfocused but searching, and Ichigo found himself looking out to the crowd too as he considered her reply. He had never thought of it like that before, in fact it would be fair to say that with so much happening over the last few years he hadn’t considered romance much at all, but now it was brought to his attention it seemed obvious that friendship and romance were too things not so different. His close friends were the best people Ichigo knew, when he thought about his future and the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with he knew he’d want someone who had traits that some, if not all, of his friends had themselves. The bonds he had with his close friends were irreplaceable, they had trusted him with their lives and he had trusted them with his, that was the sort of person he’d want to be by his side for the rest of his days. It wasn’t difficult to imagine. That must have been what Rukia was thinking, at least that’s what Ichigo thought for a heartbeat, and then his gaze fell upon a familiar redhead in the crowd. Renji. His gaze shifted to Rukia again, who upon noticing her childhood friend telling a dramatic story in the distance, smiled against the edge of her cup. Quickly his gaze moved back to the Lieutenant in the distance and a bitter taste filled his mouth. Surely, she didn’t mean that. He would _know_. Ichigo had spent so much time with the two of them, both alone and together, if there were more to their relationship than meets the eye he would have figured it out by now. It was stupid to even consider it- what would she possibly see in him? Of course, they had history, they had been friends for a long time, in recent times Renji had offered her almost as much support as Ichigo himself had but… but he would _know_.

Perhaps.

Ichigo could be dense about these things.

He swallowed thickly, the bitter taste lingering, and gulped down the rest of his drink before he finally muttered, “It’s not impossible, I guess.”

Nothing was impossible, Ichigo should have known that by now. Not having to live in the Soul Society. Not being separated from his family and friends. Not becoming a member of Squad Four. No, not even Rukia and Renji were _impossible_.

Regardless, the bitter taste stayed in his mouth for the rest of the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a very long time, so firstly I'd like to apologise for that! A lot of things got in the way of writing over the last year but this fic has been something I kept coming back to and drafting ideas for, until I finally managed to finish this chapter. As I was gone for some time I made thing a lengthy one, so I hope everyone enjoys it and forgives me for taking so long to get an update posted!
> 
> I don't plan to give up on this fic, I have notes for the next few chapters ready and waiting to be written up properly, so hopefully if you can be patient with me I'll be able to finish the fic that's been on my mind for well over a year!


	4. A World Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jushiro Ukitake's funeral has come to an end and, just when Ichigo is sure Rukia would need him most, she's nowhere to be found. Left to his own devices for two weeks, Ichigo starts further training in Squad Four and takes further steps towards settling into his life as a Soul Reaper, but Rukia's absence is undoubtedly felt and once again Ichigo finds himself a little out of step with the world when she's not walking beside him.

It had been two weeks since Jushiro Ukitake’s funeral and in that time Ichigo hadn’t seen Rukia once, in fact no one had, she hadn’t been in the Soul Society since the night had come to an end- a fact that Ichigo was still dwelling over nearly fifteen days later.

 

* * *

 

It had all started the day after the funeral, Ichigo had spent the day finishing off more paperwork in Squad Four, learning more of the ropes from the seniors in the squad and getting to know more of the newbies like himself. There was a lot to learn about the Soul Society from paperwork alone, he got a much better feel for the Rukongai and areas outside the Seireitei through reading about them, and spoke a little to Hanataro about possible missions out there in the future where he’d be able to actually see the places he’d been documenting on paper for days. It was nothing new, but he found himself actually rather enjoying it, it was a distraction to say the least from the day before, where he’d eventually left Rukia with bitterness still in his mouth and his mind whirring over everything she’d said. He hadn’t slept much so any work, as easy as it seemed, was enough to keep him distracted. But the work could only last so long and after the day was done, and he’d walked back to his room, it didn’t take long for him to decide that he wanted to see Rukia. She’d been strong yesterday, as strong as he’d expected even under the circumstances, but no doubt it had taken its toll on her and if he could ease any of her workload but even a short while he was willing to give it a try.

But she wasn’t there. Not in her office at the Squad Thirteen barracks, he’d asked several members of the squad about her whereabouts and most gave the impression she was taking a short break from work. So, he’d left it, if she needed space he could understand that.

He gave her two more days; two whole days, two nights of restless sleep and two more days of learning the ropes in Squad Four; and after those few days he was sure that Rukia, at the very least, would be prepared to see him. This time he didn’t bother going back to his room, he went straight to Squad Thirteen and strolled through the quiet barracks with an air of confidence, he’d done himself proud by focusing on work the past few days and reminding himself constantly that Rukia was more than capable of taking care of herself. He would admit that by this point he’d expected to at least hear from her, but he could understand her wanting to distance herself, when he’d lost his mother he hadn’t been in the mood to speak to anyone else either and he knew Jushiro had been an important influence in her life. She’d given him space when he needed it and now he’d done the same for her, but now he’d reached a point where he wanted to make sure she was doing alright- after all she’d dragged him from his attempts to hide away not so long ago, he had to return the favour.

“She’s _where_?”

Ichigo had attempted to keep the heat from his voice but he was a little bit pissed off. He’d made it all the way to her office before someone stopped him and casually informed him she wasn’t there, in fact she wasn’t in the barracks at all and wouldn’t be for some time, apparently the little break he’d originally been told she was on was going to last longer than he’d allowed himself to believe.

“I’m not sure exactly, Lieutenant Kuchiki didn’t inform us of her exact whereabouts, only that she would be taking a break from duties for a while.”

“So, you have no idea where she is?”

“I don’t.”

“And how long’s ‘a while’ exactly?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you know _anything_?” He didn’t mean to sound harsh, he just didn’t understand why no one seemed to have any answers for him and why, in the first place, he was talking to all these clueless people he didn’t even know when the one person he wanted to talk to wasn’t here.

Byakuya would know.

“I-“

“It doesn’t matter, I get it, sorry… keep up the good work.”

It was probably the lousiest thing he’d ever said but Ichigo didn’t care, he took off in the opposite direction before anything else could be said. He knew to try Squad Six first, if anyone was going to work late it would be Byakuya, he was very dedicated to all that duty stuff he liked to go on about, all of which came in handy when Ichigo needed to find him and right now, he definitely needed to find him. Rukia wouldn’t go anywhere without telling her brother, of that Ichigo was sure, in fact she could even be staying at the Kuchiki clan’s home for the time being and if that were the case it was best he clears regular visits with Byakuya immediately. If not then he’d find out where she was and- well, he wasn’t sure yet, if she was taking a break then perhaps that meant a break from him too, but they were friends and surely it was best she wasn’t alone in this?

Surprisingly, it was rather easy getting into Squad Six, perhaps it was because of his reputation and the chaos he’d caused in the Soul Society quite some time ago- or his reputation for having saved it- but most people Ichigo passed didn’t say anything about him suddenly wandering in and those who opened their mouths to question why he was were silenced by a quick ‘ _I’m here to see Byakuya_ ’ which seemed to shut most of them up- except one guy who had the cheek to correct him about how he was addressing the Captain, he would’ve laughed if he wasn’t in such a rush. Either way it didn’t take him long before he’d reached Byakuya’s office and by the time he got there he was worked up enough that all curtesy went out of the window and he practically ran through the doors, shoving them open with his weight and stumbling a few steps into the room with a huff.

“Ichigo? What the hell are-“ Renji was there too, sat at a smaller desk to the side, startled enough at the intrusion to have jumped back in his chair and be cautiously balancing on two of the legs.

Ichigo ignored him, focusing entirely on Byakuya, his breathing heavy from having rushed over when he interrupted the Lieutenant and demanded, “Where is she?”

A moment of quiet settled on the room, not much sound passing between them other than Ichigo’s staggered breath, as Byakuya continued to read over a paper with little hurry. Finally, he set the sheet down and gave Ichigo a once-over, then shot Renji a brief disapproving look- to which the Lieutenant quickly set his chair back on all four legs and sat up straighter, offering an apologetic smile- and when Byakuya’s gaze turned to Ichigo again it was blank and obviously lacking amusement. The quiet unsettled him a little but Ichigo couldn’t be put off now.

He sucked in a deep breath, forcing himself to stand up a little straighter and bringing a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck, before he broke the quiet when he offered, “I’m sorry I barged into your office,” He paused, Byakuya still staring at him, though he raised a brow which Ichigo took as a prompt to offer up a better explanation than that. He sighed when he continued, “But I haven’t seen Rukia since the funeral, I went to check up on her the day after and she wasn’t there, it’s now been a couple of days and she’s still nowhere to be seen. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think she should be dealing with all of this on her own right now and-“

“It isn’t your job, Ichigo Kurosaki, to decide what it is or isn’t Rukia needs.”

That was a fair point, but even so…

“I know that! But she’s gone, and I’d like to know where she is, I’m sick and tired of her just disappearing and being left with no idea if she’s ok or not!”

Quiet fell again. When it came down to it, he supposed that’s what annoyed him he most, the fact that no matter how much time passed there was one thing that happened again and again: Rukia left. He had tried to understand before, but this was different, the one good thing he could see when he was first told to remain in the Soul Society was that his new home was Rukia’s too, he wouldn’t have to worry about losing her again because they belonged to the same world. Except here he was, he’d only been here a short while and he once again found himself without her, with no idea how she was doing or if she was even half as concerned about him as he was about her. Rukia had always seemed to know so much about his life, she’d become fully immersed in it when she’d stayed with him, and he was tired of feeling out of the loop with hers.

“She’s gone to the World of the Living.”

It was Renji who finally spoke and Ichigo’s head snapped around the moment he did.

“What?”

“That’s where Rukia is, she’s taken a break and gone to the World of the Living. She probably didn’t tell you because she was going where she knew you couldn’t. She was trying to spare your feelings, idiot.”

But she told Renji.

The thought hit him like a freight train. He thought back to the funeral, to what Rukia had suggested, how friends could love each other, how what some people could perceive as a long-term friendship could be so much more than that for those involved. Ichigo had told himself he’d know if their relationship wasn’t all it appeared but maybe he didn’t know anything, he certainly hadn’t known about any of this, but Renji knew all about it.

There was that bitter taste again.

“When will she back?” Voice soft, Ichigo pinched the bridge of his nose as he took a moment to process.

“In a week, maybe longer, she’s been picking up a lot of slack in her squad. She needs this, Ichigo.”

“Sure… Yeah, it’s good for her.”

There was another moment of silence before Byakuya finally spoke up again, “Is that all?”

“Oh, that was it, yeah. Sorry again for running in here, thanks for filling me on… everything.”

 

* * *

 

Ichigo didn’t have much choice but to focus on work after that, which was a good thing, having tasks to complete in Squad Four occupied him far better than school had when Rukia had left in the past. It was only a few more days of paperwork and doing small tasks about the barracks before Hanataro took Ichigo under his wing and suggested they start on very basic Kido training, it had always been Ichigo’s weak point but now he was in the Soul Society permanently it would be a critical part of his lifestyle. Especially if he were to stay in Squad Four for the time being.

It was arranged so he could sit in on a few classes at the academy, those in training there were roughly the same level as him when it came to these techniques- though of course there were a few individuals who were obviously gifted and irritated Ichigo to no end when they made it look so easy the first time. Still, there was something nice about being at the academy, it wasn’t something he’d ever been a part of, but it was where all the Soul Reapers he knew had started their journeys. He was even given a uniform to wear for these occasional lessons, he supposed it was meant to help him blend in, though unfortunately being Ichigo Kurosaki, it wasn’t too easy to hide anywhere in the Soul Society. At least his reputation was a good one. He got mixed reactions during his first class, a lot of people seemed confused as to why he was there in the first place- which he found very flattering- but it only took his first attempt at controlling the very basics for it to be made clear that he was lacking where all this energy control was concerned. After his first mess up, it broke the ice though, several students offered him tips and advice about how they handled the techniques, things he appreciated even if it didn’t help much at first. Baby steps, he knew it would take some time but now that he was there he had plenty of that.

Other hours of his time, and parts of his training, were organised by Hanataro himself. The academy was important for learning all the kido basics but Hanataro decided to enlist the help of Akito and give more specialised lessons when it came to kaido- after all healing techniques were Squad Four’s speciality and something Ichigo could only learn in detail from them. These were more unusual lessons, mainly observation on Ichigo’s part, but he actually enjoyed them a lot more than the academy lessons. When he was learning about kaido he was allowed out of the barracks, Hanataro took both him and Akito on minor missions, a few that let them out into the Rukongai and allowed Ichigo to observe healing up close. It was nice to see the difference they made to people, it was one of the things he’d liked back home with his family too, although he took less of an interest on the medical side of things he’d always been proud of the work his father did and how many people they helped. It was in his nature, wanting to help people, perhaps it was something of a hero complex but Ichigo liked to think it spoke well of his character. He was someone he wanted to help other people.

 

* * *

 

It was after a long day- a morning in the academy and afternoon helping Hanataro in Squad Eleven while trying to avoid a brawl in the process- when Ichigo trudged back to his room, fifteen days after Jushiro Ukitake’s funeral, and pushed the door open to find someone there waiting for him.

He hadn’t seen Rukia in what felt like a lifetime. He knew it wasn’t that long, logically he knew that, and working had seemed to make the time go fast but now he was faced with her again a tightness in his chest made it feel so much longer. But here she was. When he first entered she wasn’t even facing him, but he’d recognise the back of those dark locks anywhere. She was sat on his desk, perched on the side, with the window thrown open and one elbow propped up on the sill, her chin resting in her hand from what he could tell, attention focused somewhere distant. Her ankles were crossed, her other hand resting in her lap, legs swinging back and forth- leisurely or impatient, he couldn’t tell. Even when he opened the door she didn’t turn to him right away, not until he’d taken a step into the room, closed the door behind him and then, finally, she sat up straight and looked around towards him. She looked better than the last time he’d seen her. There was something in her gaze that had been missing at the funeral, a fire that he’d greatly missed, a brightness that radiated from her very core that had always put him at ease. She watched him silently- watched him, watching her- and after she’d basked in his surprise a smile pulled at the corners of her mouth.

“I guess you really did miss me.”

There is was, that teasing tone he’d heard a hundred times before, that challenge in her voice that dared him to pretend he hadn’t. And he knew how this was meant to go, he was meant to roll his eyes and scoff, to insist he had felt no such longing and she would feign offended by what they both knew was a lie- maybe she’d leap off the desk and kick him in the shin for even suggesting it- and things would be right with them again.

He knew how this was _meant_ to go.

“Two weeks, you were so busy you couldn’t even send a postcard?”

Realisation washed over her quickly, he saw it creep over her expression as she realised that wasn’t how things were going to go, he wasn’t prepared to play it off as nothing and pretend it didn’t matter. Her hands dropped to the desk either side of her, she gripped onto the wood, her brow furrowing as she took in a deep breath.

“Ichigo, I… I needed some time.”

“You left without a word.”

“I know, that was selfish of me, but I needed to be selfish for a little while. You saw- I know you did- how things were affecting me, and I wanted to take some time away from everything here, so I could process all that’s happened and come back stronger, to do a better job moving forward. I didn’t plan to hide anything from you, it wasn’t personal, I didn’t tell anyone where-“

“You told Renji,” He interrupted, unable to stop himself, the words slipping from his lips before he’d had the chance to stop them. She seemed stunted by the exclamation, her eyes widening for a moment, her brows raising, before she shook her head.

“I didn’t tell Renji. I told Byakuya, other than those who authorised the absence he’s the only person who knew where I was going, I didn’t intend to tell anyone else because I didn’t think it was important. I needed space. If Renji knows then I can only assume Byakuya told him, I didn’t purposefully keep you out of the loop, Ichigo.”

Oh. The relief that washed through him lasted only briefly, as much as he was overjoyed to think he wasn’t the only person to be kept in the dark about her temporary absence it didn’t change the fact that she had left. It didn’t change the fact that for two weeks he didn’t hear from her at all, not even through someone else, not even just a reassurance that she was doing well and would be back soon. Two weeks and she was just gone, she left no traces behind, the Soul Society was just like the World of the Living in the sense that everything and everyone else seemed to keep moving forward with or without her. Everyone except him, who felt her absence like a dull ache in his chest, that he could ignore but never be rid of, it just gnawed away more and more for each day he didn’t get to see her. His world was off-balance when she left it.

“You could’ve told me.”

“It wasn’t important that you knew where I was.”

“You could’ve told me you were going, you didn’t have to tell me where.”

His voice was raised, his expression strained as his fingers flexed and curled at his sides.

“Ichigo-“

“You disappeared again!”

That’s what it all came back to. Rukia had been gone and that was an all too familiar scenario, it wasn’t rare for her to leave, to go somewhere where he couldn’t follow. It was almost harder when the world seemed to function without her, he wanted someone to tell him that they felt it too, the pull when she was there and the ache when she wasn’t. But maybe no one else could feel like that, because their situation was unique, because anyone else who cared about Rukia was not bound to one place or another like Ichigo always had been. Other people could follow her, could go after her if they needed to, but it was always him who couldn’t reach her when he needed her the most. And he didn’t know how to tell her that, how to explain that when they were together he knew his place was at her side and when she left him behind everything else felt _wrong_. He didn’t know how to put into words why he would’ve died to get her back the first time, why he’d felt like a stranger in his own life when she’d left the second time, how when she’d stepped into a different world from him again it left him feeling cold.

“Ichigo,” Her voice was soft when she spoke this time, he wasn’t sure when but at some point, in the last few moments, Ichigo had screwed his eyes shut, but he didn’t have to see her to feel the concern. It was laced in her tone. “I’m here, I came back.”

“I couldn’t reach you.”

He heard her feet touch the floor, light steps move across the room, could feel her presence barely a foot away when she spoke, “Look at me.” As instructed he blinked his eyes open to find, as he’d suspected, Rukia stood before him. She looked up at him with her mouth frowning, her features creased with concern, but her gaze was steady as she searched his face- something she’d done a billion times before. Everything about her was grounding, she only had to stand close and he could feel his nerves settle, feel the world starting to make sense again when she offered a small smile. “Moron, I’m not going anywhere. I’m back now, I took the time I needed, and I’ve come home. You don’t need to worry about me leaving again.”

“I don’t need you to be here all the time,” He said after a moment. Ichigo didn’t want to shackle her, that wasn’t what any of this was about, it wasn’t about controlling where Rukia went because he knew people had to be free to come and go. It was about the unknown, not knowing how or when she would leave and if she would be coming back. He took in a deep breath- she looked at him expectedly, waiting for him to continue speaking and he could’ve sworn she looked so much like Byakuya just then- before adding, “You belong there as much as you belong here, just… just tell me, next time? Don’t disappear on me again.”

“That’s it?”

He nodded, and she scoffed.

“Fool, you can’t get rid of me that easily.” She curled a hand into a first and threw it forward towards him, but when it reached his stomach the touch was gentle and playful, a smile playing on her lips. “You do realise you are the biggest moron in the history of morons?”

“Hey! It’s… It’s this world, it’s still not _mine_ yet. I still need you to navigate it with me.”

It was quiet for a moment and then Rukia laughed, shaking her head, “More like _for_ you. Some things never change, it seems. You, Ichigo Kurosaki, are as hopeless without me now as you always have been.” She took a large step back, hands coming to rest on her hips and head cocking to the side when, looking at him expectantly before, she wondered, “Do you want to know about my trip?”

It took him a moment, honestly.

He hadn’t had any word from home since he wasn’t allowed to go back.

Ichigo hesitated, unsure, before his features softened and a smile curled his lips when he replied, “Sure.”

Rukia’s smile brightened at his reply and no sooner had he assured her he was interested had she turned on the balls of her feet and skipped over to his bed, where she turned again and then proceeded to jump back and flop down onto it. A bad habit of hers, always making herself at home in his space, on his bed, as if she belonged there- seeing her there now he could only roll his eyes and shake his head, he supposed she sort of did belong wherever he was. Ichigo himself walked over to his desk and dropped down into the chair, propping his elbow up onto the desk and sitting to a similar fashion to how Rukia had sat before- minus being at the window and crossing his ankles.

“I don’t know where to start, I suppose you already know where I went, if I were going to go anywhere in the World of the Living there’s only one place I’d want to be. Only one place I really know.” She paused, look down to her lap, and when she spoke again her voice was quieter, “I stayed with your family.”

“Yeah?” He’d assumed as much.

“Yeah, it felt… it felt like home there, a home away from home.”

“You didn’t sleep in my closet, did you?” A horrified look crossed her face, one that made Ichigo smile, and just before she could grab and throw a pillow at him he held his hands up in surrender. “I’m kidding. It’s good that you had somewhere to stay… how are they?”

“They’re well. Seeing them again was nice- more than just nice, really. Your dad was as enthusiastic as usually, I had to pry him off me when I first arrived, he was crying about welcoming his third daughter home or some nonsense like that. The twins seemed happy to see me, Yuzu fussed over me so much as a guest, she fed me so much food I thought I’d burst but I’d missed her cooking, so I definitely didn’t complain about it. Karin’s still playing football, we talked about her possibly playing more professionally, she wants to start a football club for the girls when she gets into high school- they don’t have one, apparently. They’re all doing ok, but they did ask after you. They miss you. I told them about how hard you’re working though- your dad got a real kick out of you being in Squad Four, by the way.”

“He’s a doctor!”

“I did point that out,” She assured with a laugh. The sound trailed off into a sigh and when she looked to Ichigo her smile was soft, a mix of concern and hope, reassuring. “I suggested they come and see you soon, maybe when the girls have some time off school, they could all take a break and visit? I tried my best to assure them you were doing well, I’m not sure if that made them feel any better though.”

He could see the doubt there and he realised it must have been hard for her to be around his family, to have to be strong in front of them when she’d gone there to avoid having to be strong in front of anyone. It was just like Rukia to take time away for her own benefit but actually spend it worrying about everyone else, no doubt she did a good job of boosting his family’s spirits just as she always did a good job of boosting his, but he knew it was slightly different. What they had, the way they understood each other, meant she often called on the strength she knew he’d buried deep, so he could pick himself back up and they could rely on each other. With his family there was only so much she could do or say to make things better for them. She tried, that was the most important thing, no matter what the circumstance, Rukia always tried to do what was right.

“Are you kidding? Rukia, the only thing they might feel bad about is you having to take care of me, they were probably thrilled you got to take a break.”

“Looking after you _can_ be exhausting.”

“Go on then, what else did you do? You don’t expect me to believe you spent the entire time with my family, it’s not been so long that I don’t remember how nuts they can be.”

“No, not the entire time.”

They continued talking for hours. Rukia filled him in on her trip, on how everyone else was doing; Orihime studying child psychology and working part time with Uryu, who was settling well into his medical course, both of them regularly seeing Chad, who had started training so he could teach self-defence classes in the future; and all the extra activities she did while she had free time on her hands. She seemed to expertly skim over certain things, she didn’t dwell too long on what anyone had said about Ichigo and his absence, instead she went into great detail about a Chappy bag she’d bought or food she’d tried. He was grateful. Hearing about the World of the Living, all he’d left behind, was harder than he’d expected. It was easier to hear about all the silly things she did by herself than the people he missed, it hadn’t been so long since he’d had to say goodbye to them and he wasn’t completely ready to talk so openly about all of that yet. He filled her in on his past few weeks too, she teased him lightly about his kido training and he challenged her to stop by and observe his progress at some point, which she whole-heartedly agreed to.

It wasn’t until she was leaving, already one foot out of the door, did she look back over her shoulder and inform him, “I think they’ll come to visit soon- Orihime, Uryu and Chad- though I can’t be sure when, or even for how long, they might only be able to spare a day to stop by.”

“Oh… right. That’ll be good, to see them.”

“I think so, I got the feeling a lot of what they told me were things they wanted to tell you themselves.” She gave a firm nod. “I’ve got some work to catch up on, so I might not see you tomorrow, and I’ve got to fill Byakuya in on everything-”

“You came to see me first?”

“As soon as I got back.”

“Before Renji?”

Rukia rolled her eyes, “Fool, if I saw you first then obviously before Renji.”

“Oh, alright.”

He could barely retain his grin.

“Moron, I’ll see you soon.”

“See you soon.”

Rukia left, shutting the door behind her, but even with her out of sight there was a relief that had settled within Ichigo since he opened his door to find her that had yet to go away. He doubted it ever would. Things just seemed to fall into place when he and Rukia were in the same world again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter done, I hope everyone enjoyed this one! In particular I really wanted to focus on Ichigo this chapter, with all these changes I imagine he's feeling a lot of things similarly to when he lost his powers and really wanted to explore that in a new environment, while of course also addressing his relationship with Rukia and having Ichigo slowly- as they say, slow and steady wins the race- start to realise just how much he depends on her.
> 
> Next chapter will actually be in Rukia's POV! I'll be exploring her time in the World of the Living, so there'll be a lot of familiar faces and lots of information revealed in more detailed about what I imagine a lot of the other characters are up to, hopefully the ideas hinted at in this chapter gave everyone something to think about already!


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